While High:

My name is Ezequiel, and I have a beard. I must confess that when one smokes and gets high, a beard is in order.

Just ask Justin Bieber. Yes, Mr. Bieber has the nicest teen tits since Conan O’brien graced the television.

Now, how about those Yankees? I hate baseball. So fuck them. I never did get why they had to time travel to save that princess from burning, yet when they got to the castle the princess was in another castle. Motherfucking Ninja Turtles and their lust to steal rabbits from my nuts.

I will shave my beard to get a job. I need a job, because I have to pay for my weed. Otherwise I will be forced into working the fields as a sugar cane cutter. That ain’t right.

If Michael Jackson did it, why not me. Hey, did you know Michael went to the moon?

Yep, he bought his own Vista Cruiser.

Gotta go now. I have to shave the sheeps beard that I carry in my face. Yuck.

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While High:

Have you ever been aroused by a function?

I was writing some code, and wrote the most sensual function. Want to see it? I know you want to, so here it is:

def sensual_function():

print “This makes me uncomfortably horny.

Isn’t code beautiful?

Isn’t it the language of the Brights?

I can bet you $100 that if Obama learned how to code, the USA would be so much better.

While High: is a stab at a programming joke. It means that while I’m high I wrote this code or comment.

As in:

while high == “high”:

print “I’m high.”


print “I’m Null.”

I know that is not written properly, but Waldo will get it. And we all know how much Waldo hates to be in public places.

My turn to dance with the cheeseburger.

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While High:

Don’t you hate it when Ubuntu bites you?

I was just finishing an extraordinary piece of wet cement and the implications of its use during WWII, and this piece of shit just reloaded the page.

Well all know how much wordpress blogs sucks. Hell, if they got rid of the stinky monkey they might be able to roll in some cash, hire the oatmeal, and get this site pumping semen from its servers.

That would make a great porno.

Anyhow, hate.


Hate is good, as long as you hate butter. Butter deserves to be hated. It is so creamy,and it sits in that cup like oh, its me butter, put me on some bread to make it taste like a rainbow.

Good bye.

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Feynman Principle.

While High:

The probability of someone smoking weed when their wife is not home is higher. That is the Feynman Principle.

As told by Ron Jeremy in the movie “The last Cardigans Penises”.

Also, I would have loved to get high with Carl Sagan.

Shit. Sometimes I go into the APOD archives over at nasa, and I stare at the cosmos in awe.

Also, Carl Sagans wife looks saucy. She was on Real Time with Bill Maher last week, and I got hard from listening to her. I get horny when high. Like Lrrrrr from the planet Omicron Persei 8.

Farnsworth is real. Look it up on Wikipedia. He did it with MOM.

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I’m looking for a Special Lady.

While High:

I’m looking for a lady to get high with. To share the world with.

To hang out and space out into shapes of the sun.

If you know about someone like that, or you are someone like that, then contact me at 1-888-LADY-HELLO-PANCAKES.

I will wait with hello.


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A Ninja knows when to bark.

While High:

I’m so smart. Yes. Me.

I worked in a bogus investigation about what makes the dinosaurs roar, and let me tell you lady those are the nicest shoes you’ever bought at the Colonial House of Penises.

So, I’m like really good at that, and I’m still unemployed.


Yeah. I’m unemployed. That bastard King sent me to war withthe Klingons and he never paid my retirement fund anything and now I’m on the road to Las Vegas to Kill Bill.

I heard Chris Rock died. He was crushed.

My face feels so big. Like the Titanic when it floated.

Also, what is up with people?

Don’t they see I’m King Nostradamus, the discoverer of paint, and inventor of the word PANDEMONIUM.

Ass Burger.

Ass Burger Kills.

Ass Burger Kills again.

The Return of Ass Burger.

Quantum of Ass Burger.

Life is so light. I barely feel alive. Yet sometimes I feel dead. That is why I BONG-A.

That is all.

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Its Raining.

While High:

Its raining. The sound feels as a million tambourines. They rock my ears inside out.

The rain is a seductive mistress. It moves and sounds like a princess. Its sweet lemonade for the soul.

Rain, so my plants grow.

Didn’t I tell ya? I planted a few in an unknown forrest in Narnia.

Narnia sucked.

Also, don’t watch The Transformers while high, or you will run out of energon. A transformers joke. Ha ha. Not funny.

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